


chicken heart

by MasterFinland



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Blowjobs (Mentioned), Chinese Language, Crying, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Hetalia Countries Using Human Names, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Gore, Minor Hong Kong/Iceland (Hetalia), NOT England/Hong Kong, Nicknames, Panic Attacks, Parental England, Phone Calls & Telephones, Sexual Themes, based on an actual experience, blink and you might miss it, like it's literally barely there, mention of original child characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24223897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MasterFinland/pseuds/MasterFinland
Summary: She wonders, briefly, if Emil is still awake and is being forced to listen, desperate to help, to understand, as Jia sits locked in his bathroom, panicking on the phone with his mother. She wonders if he’s just on the other side of the door, or if he even knows that this is happening at all.
Relationships: America/England (Hetalia), America/Female England (Hetalia), England & Hong Kong (Hetalia), Hong Kong/Iceland (Hetalia)
Kudos: 16





	chicken heart

**Author's Note:**

> based on an actual experience of mine ;p

Alice answers the phone to hiccuping sobs that burn a hole in her lower belly. It’s just barely after two in the morning, and Alfred is asleep beside her, rolled onto his stomach and half off the bed. One of the children is between them, but it’s dark and she hasn’t put her glasses on yet, so she doesn’t know which one of them it is. She figures it’s Emily, who has taken to crawling into bed with them in the middle of the night lately, but it could just as easily be one of the boys, or even Amelia. 

It’s unimportant, right now, which one of her children is curled up against their father’s bare back, because someone is crying incoherently into the phone, and Alice very urgently needs to deal with it before he starts heaving. She sits up fully, no longer just supporting her weight on her elbow, panic shooting through her ribcage. 

“Jia?” She mumbles, picking her glasses up off the night table and slipping them on her face. She shifts her feet over the side of the bed, scrubbing at her right eye with her fist. “What’s the matter?” The hardwood is horribly, horribly cold against her bare feet, but she ignores it, half-jogging from the bedroom so as not to wake her husband and child. 

_ “Māmā,”  _ Jia sobs, a little less desperate this time. Alice coos softly into the receiver.

“I’m here, chicken.” She shuts the door behind her as quietly as she can, and takes the stairs to the first floor two at a time. “What’s happened, Leon? Are you alright? Do you need me to come over?”

_ “I, I didn’t- I don’t-”  _ He breaks off with a shuddering, sickly noise, and Alice can easily imagine the way his face has scrunched up in distress. She stays silent as she makes her way to her study for privacy.  _ “I- with Emil, and I-”  _

“Did Emil do something to you?” She frowns, tone somewhat sharp, and seats herself as comfortably as possible in the reading nook. She’s trying to stay calm, but it’s hard to keep her voice level with how frightened she’s becoming. Jia is her son, and he rarely expresses emotion this heavily. “Are you hurt?”

_ “No- no, I’m f-fine, Māmā, I…”  _ he sniffles, audibly wiping his nose against his arm. Alice wrinkles her nose in disgust, fingers twitching against the hem of her nightgown.

“Use a tissue, baby.”

_ “Duìbùqǐ,”  _ he sniffles again, and Alice can hear him shuffling around. She sighs, panic ebbing back somewhat now that she knows Jia is in no immediate danger.

“Tell me what happened, Jia.”

It takes a few long, torturous moments before Jia is able to collect himself enough to explain himself, but Alice is nothing if not patient, in situations like this, and when he does it makes nausea bubble in her gut.

_ “H-He- Emil, I, I let him give me a b-blowjob, Māmā-”  _ he breaks down into heaving sobs, practically wailing out.  _ “I’m so  _ sorry _ , Māmā-”  _ Alice shivers and moves the phone to her other ear, hands shaking. She clenches them together to quell the tremors, cell held uncomfortably between her face and shoulder.

“Leon, baby, listen to me. Deep breaths, sweetheart, that’s it- no, no, you’re okay, in and out, follow me, do what I’m doing... There we go, darling. Just like that, keep that up...” 

Alice inhales and exhales exaggeratedly, only quieting her breathing to normal volume when Jia’s slows back down to a more acceptable pace. He’s no longer wheezing, wet and painful sounding, and Alice counts that as a victory. She swallows bile before speaking again, curling her knees to her chest. Her feet are planted firmly on the cushion beneath her, toes digging into the edge, and she feels rather like a child, all of a sudden, arm wrapped around her legs like this. Her hand is back on the phone, and she has to force herself not to grip it too tightly. 

“Did… Did Emil force you, chicken?”

_ “No! No, Māmā, no, I-”  _ Jia’s breathing picks up again. Alice realizes, belatedly, that he’s barely seconds away from an asthma attack. He hasn’t had one of those since he was a toddler, and Alice begins panicking again, this time for a different reason. She unfurls her body and hunches over her knees, toes brushing against the cold hardwood.

“Okay, okay! I believe you, chicken, it’s okay! Calm down, Jia, breathe. Where’s your inhaler?”

_ “Bàba h-has it.”  _ Alice frowns at the response, brows furrowed in confusion. Yao absolutely should not have his inhaler, and she tells him that, somewhat chastising. She’s irritated with Yao, though, and not him, and Jia knows this. He can’t do anything about it right now, though, too out of his mind with anxiety. 

Alice gnaws on her thumbnail.

“Where are you right now?”

_ “I’m- I’m in Emil’s bathroom.” _

“You’re still  _ there? _ ” 

_ “Yes!”  _ Jia wails again, an absolutely heartbreaking noise, and Alice flinches, heart hammering in her chest. 

“Oh!” she gasps, hurrying to correct her mistake. “Oh, that’s fine, chicken, that’s fine- I’m sorry, shh-” There’s rustling, and Alice knows that Jia has shoved his face into his knees to quiet his sobs. 

She wonders, briefly, if Emil is still awake and is being forced to listen, desperate to help, to understand, as Jia sits locked in his bathroom, panicking on the phone with his mother. She wonders if he’s just on the other side of the door, or if he even knows that this is happening at all.

_ “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, duìbùqǐ-”  _ Jia sobs, big and heaving and agonizing, and Alice feels the back of her eyes burn with her own tears. She bites down harshly on her lip, barely even noticing when her canine goes right through it. She’ll feel it in the morning, but it’s the least of her worries at the moment. She feels useless in ways she hasn’t felt in many, many years.

“Oh, Jia, oh… Oh, my baby, shh…” She soothes. Her voice isn’t shaking, and she’s thankful for that. Her upset would only alarm Jia more. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”   
  


_ “But Māmā, Māmā, I- I had- gāisǐ de, I had  _ sex _ with Emil, I-”  _ Jia hiccups, unable to continue, and Alice hushes him. She knows how tightly his eyes are clenched shut, and she knows exactly how small he has made himself, likely lodged between the tub and the wall, bare against the freezing floor tiles. 

She wants to cry for him, because she knows quite well the spiral he’s forcing himself into. She doesn’t, because he is much more important than her own cresting emotions, threatening to burst. She will have time to grieve for him later, once he is taken care of.

“You’ve done nothing wrong, chicken,” she whispers, soft and broken and sympathetic. “Sex is natural, my love. Why would you ever think anyone would be upset with you for something like this? What you’ve done is nothing to be ashamed of.”

_ “But…” _

“Did you want to have sex with Emil?”

_ “Ń?”  _ Jia sniffs, and Alice can picture his wild, wide eyes blinking at his phone in surprise. She imagines that she has gotten him to uncurl just a little bit. She smiles, soft and sweet and wobbly, into the receiver, even though Jia can’t see her.

“You wanted to do this, didn’t you?” She repeats, gentle and adoring. She notes, objectively, that this was how it felt to speak to frightened, wounded animals in the forests all those years ago, when she was no older than her youngest child. Injuries of the psyche are no less damaging than those of the body, and Alice knows this; it is hard to give oneself over so utterly and completely to another, and the vulnerability is palpable. She understands the humiliation and fear of intimacy.

_ “Shi,”  _ Jia nods, and his hair makes a static sound against the phone. Alice’s shoulders sag in relief.  _ “Yes, I wanted to.” _ Alice hums in response, switching the phone to her other ear.

“I know… I know that this is scary,” she whispers, relaxing back against the windowpane. It’s cold, and Alice looks behind her to see snow flurries. “I promise I do. But, you know that if sex is… If you’re not ready for it, even if you thought you were, you know that you don’t have to do it again until you are, right?” 

Jia stays silent, breath rattling in his chest, and Alice takes that as her cue to continue.

“Emil is a good boy,” she says, and she can almost feel the tension leave Jia’s body, even from so far away. “If you talk with him, I’m certain he’ll understand. He loves you very much, Leon, and he’ll respect your decision to take more time. You don’t have to rush into being an adult, baby.”

_ “Māmā… Thank you, Māmā,"  _ Jia croaks, tears finally dry. He sniffles, and Alice hears him wipe his nose messily. She doesn’t reprimand him this time.

“Of course, Jia. Hop over to your father’s and get your inhaler, please. Just in case.” 

_ “I will, Māmā… Wǎn'ān, I love you.” _

“Goodnight, chicken. I love you more.” Jia snorts, and Alice smiles, slumped against the space between the window and the wall of the reading nook. It’s not comfortable, but that’s okay. 

Alice only actually ends the call when she hears the steady  _ beep, beep, beep  _ of the other line going dead. She sighs deeply and rises slowly, head aching and joints popping. She opens the door to her study and begins the slow, dragging trek back up the stairs, adrenaline long gone and no longer driving her forward. 

She slips near silently into bed, glad to be under the warmth of the covers once again. She plugs her phone up and sits her glasses on the nightstand, yawning largely, and presses a kiss to her daughter’s forehead, brushing her wheat-blonde curls from her face. Alfred grumbles when the mattress dips, cracking an eye open blearily. His gaze is unfocused, and Alice doubts he can see her very clearly at all. She smiles at him anyway, corners of her eyes stinging with the need to cry.

“Mm… baby?” 

“I’m fine,” she whispers, hoarse and tired. She settles herself, and laces their fingers together over the blankets. Alfred smiles sleepily and goofily at her. She gives his hand a squeeze, and shuts her eyes to go back to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I just...,, I love parental!england so goddamn much  
> I hc that england is biologically hong kong's parent, and that he knows this, and he trusts england a whole hell of a lot


End file.
